Baby Sleep

My Stress-Free Way of How to Ditch the Dummy

I expect you’re reading this if your little one has a dummy. Not only that but you feel it’s become more of a hindrance than a help? They’ve become rather attached to it and you can’t see a way to ditch it? Maybe it’s constantly being lost at night and you’re fed up and exhausted with the sleep disruptions? Whatever the case, it’s ok. We’ll go through everything together in my stress-free way of how to ditch the dummy. So by the time you reach the end, you feel you have a do-able plan to ditch the dummy, whether you have a baby or a toddler.

Pros and Cons of Using a Dummy

When to use a Dummy

The guidelines from the Lullaby Trust and the NHS is that a dummy shouldn’t be introduced before 4 weeks of age. This is to ensure breastfeeding has been well established and your baby isn’t confused with the sucking of the dummy and the suckling for milk. A dummy may be especially beneficial for a premature baby as the sucking of the dummy can help to prepare them for breast or bottle feeding as they transition from being tube fed.

It’s also recommended that a dummy may be a good idea in those early 4 – 30 weeks as a way to reduce the risk of SIDS as the use of a dummy encourages your baby to be on their back more during sleep and this is thought to reduce the SIDS risk.

Guidelines also suggest you remove the dummy from your baby between the ages of 6 – 12 months. Of course, the reality is that when the dummy works to relieve your baby’s upset or soothe them to sleep, it can be hard to choose to take it away. I’ve cared for many babies with dummies and also toddlers who have had a dummy at two years old. In my experience, it can be the anxiety of the parents that’s the bigger issue! As your little one grows, it’s important to be aware of potential risks to their speech and teeth when they frequently use a dummy.

Top Dummy Tips

Always encourage your baby to put their own dummy back in their mouth and don’t do it for them. It’s usually from around the 8-month mark they can start to do this for themselves.

Only offer a dummy for sleep and upset times and not consistently during the day. Try to find out what the problem is.

Never dip a dummy into anything sugary. A fast way to tooth decay.

Take the dummy away as soon as they are calm.

There is some useful glow in the dark ones which can help little ones find them at night. Here’s a great one from 6 months and also one from 12 months.

Keep an eye on the dummies, make sure they are always sterilised and check for any wear or tear then replace when necessary.

If your little one is trying to talk with their dummy in, it could affect their speech so always remove it when they are making sounds, babbling or chatting.

Dummy Ditch Plan

So before you make any decisions about removing the dummy, think about these things…

How old is your little one? Are they a toddler and chatting? How old they are will depend on your action plan.

Think about the reason you want to ditch the dummy. Is it to make your life easier or theirs? Are you concerned about their speech, teeth or feeding?

Do you have some support about you, partner, family, close friends? It can be challenging to ditch the dummy then find it such a struggle, you cave in and give it back!

Really think about choosing the right time to ditch the dummy. Make sure there is stability at home such as maintaining a routine, no illnesses or major disruptions like starting nursery, a parent returning to work, starting a new nursery or with a new nanny or childminder.

Ultimately, you’re taking away a sleep aid they rely on for sleep so I really do believe it needs some thought. There’s 3 ways I use; gentle dummy removal, cold turkey with a gentle strategy and gifting the dummy. If your child is having naps then I strongly suggest you begin with nap times first. These can be easier to tackle before moving onto the nighttime.

Gentle Dummy Removal

This strategy involves keeping the dummy but removing it once they are asleep and continuing to remove it closer and closer to when they fall asleep until you are able to remove it altogether.

I suggest for at least a week prior to starting this (whether they are napping or not), adding in some elements to enhance their sleeping environment for nighttime sleep. Things such as pink noise or gentle music, lavender scent, blackout blinds, red night light and a transitional object – a comforter which can be a small soft blanket or muslin (perhaps enhanced with the smell of mum). Make sure you have a consistent bedtime. Check out my post for tips: how to have the best baby bedtime routine for a calm nights sleep.

In the same week, add in other sleep reassurances such as patting, rocking, shushing or stroking. Do not stick to one! Mix it up a little so they get used to some other ways to fall asleep.

Settle them to into their cot with their dummy and once asleep, wait 10 minutes then gently remove the dummy.

If they wake and cry for the dummy, offer it back and repeat the above step. It may take a good few days to accomplish this.

This way does take some patience and some little ones respond better to this method than others. Once you’re able to remove it after 10 minutes of being sleep, reduce it to 5 minutes.

After a few more nights, reduce it down to a minute.

Once you’re able to remove it after a minute, try removing it between your baby relaxing into sleep and falling asleep.

Now soothe your baby to sleep without using a dummy at all.

This gradual, gentle dummy removal can take about 4 weeks to implement. Take your time. Gentle persistence is the key. This method can work well on babies from 6 months to about 2 years. Once past this age, another method might work better as they are able to understand a lot more and communicate with you!

Cold Turkey + Gentle Strategy

This method means removing the dummy altogether but replacing it with another way to help them to sleep, such as your presence in the room while they fall asleep.

I’d also add in the same points as above when thinking about their sleeping environment:

For this method, I suggest taking the dummy away for all sleep including naps. You may find it easier to have motion naps for the first few days such as in the sling, buggy or car. If you do settle them for naps in the cot or night-time sleeping environment, I advise using the same method you use for the night time.

For example, if you choose to lay by the cot with them at night time and offer verbal reassurances such as ‘shush, sleepy time’ then do the same at nap times. I would be careful to not create new habits such as rocking, cuddling or feeding to sleep as this will become another issue further down the line. If your little one needs some reassurances, mix them up so they do not become reliant on just one. Gradually reduce the reassurances you offer them as they teach themselves to sleep without the dummy with your support. Again, this method is ideal from 6 months.

Gifting the Dummy

This method works really well on older toddlers who have an understanding of the concept of saying goodbye to the dummy but whom it feels really hard for. If they are nearly 2 years or more then that’s a long time in their lives to have had their beloved dummy and will be quite attached to it. The real task in this method is feeling like YOU can see it through. So often, I’ve heard stories of families offering a wonderful gift (one was even a new bike!) in exchange for the dummy as the dummy fairy was coming. This particular little girl (who was three) refused the bike and insisted on keeping her dummy, and her parents agreed! I’m not suggesting this is not ok – I’m just checking that you are committed to saying goodbye to the dummy too. It can sometimes be the case that parents are a little reluctant as it’s a sign of ‘babyhood’ and especially if this little one is their last little one, it can feel hard for them too.

There are several ideas of things you can say here. I’m not suggesting lying to your toddler! Just bending the truth to fit the situation. Here’s a few examples of things I’ve known to work:

The babies need your dummies now so the dummy fairy will come and take them away for the babies and leave you a gift.

All your dummies are broken now and so the special dummy fairy needs to come to take them away.

Let’s leave your dummies for Father Christmas / Easter Bunny to take away to give to the babies. They will leave you a present.

When it’s their birthday party (or someone else) wrap up all the dummies as a gift (make sure you have a lovely gift in exchange for them!) and make it a special event.

For any of these gifting the dummy ideas to work, it’s really important to discuss it with them in the days and weeks prior so your little one gets used to the idea. Don’t just spring it on them! You might like to create a chart together or use stickers where you can count down the days until the dummy fairy is coming. You could also help prepare them by reading books about ditching the dummy.

Conclusion

To summarise, I’ve offered some dummy tips plus three strategies:

Gentle dummy removal

Cold turkey + gentle strategy

Gifting the dummy

I hope you’ve found these ideas helpful and feel that one of them connects to your style of parenting and your child.

Remember, whichever you choose, I’d love to know how you get on so do reach out to me. I’m only an email or tweet away!

Together, let’s get sleep sorted!

Caroline x

P.S. In case you’re a newbie to my blog (in that case a very warm welcome!), I always add in a couple of affiliate links with a great offer to each post that I think might be of interest to you as a parent. If you choose to click a link and make a purchase on that really cool new item (for you or your baby!) then it’s at NO EXTRA COST to you. I receive a small commission from the retailer and that helps me with the running costs of my website, business and blog. Thanks for all your AMAZING support! xx

The Baby Sleep Advice Every Mama Should Read

As a new mother, one of the biggest issues to deal with is often sleep, or rather the lack of it. Following on from the lack of sleep for you is figuring out the best way to help your baby sleep better. I don’t need to tell you there’s a mountain of information out there about how to help your baby sleep. All the differing strategies can feel confusing, conflicting and overwhelming.

Add in your own sleep deprivation and everything can feel so much harder when all you want is sleep. Obviously, the more your baby sleeps, the more likely you can sleep but how to help you both get there? That’s why I’ve written The Baby Sleep Advice Every Mama Should Read.

Expectations

The society we live in can sometimes compound doubts and worries new mums have. There’s that loaded, common and well-meaning question ‘is your baby sleeping through the night yet?’ which can often make you feel as though if you answer ‘no not yet’ you have somehow failed as a mother. Totally crazy! And by the way, nobody, not even an adult or a baby EVER sleeps through the night. We all wake after natural sleep cycles. It’s the ability we learn in how to settle ourselves back to slumber that makes the ‘sleeping through the night’ myth seem true.

Perhaps you’ve been told by a new mum friend that her little one is sleeping through most nights with the odd wake for a feed. While you’re struggling to get your baby to sleep more than a few hours at a time. Cue panic (why isn’t my baby sleeping through the night?) and guilt (I must be doing something wrong. I’m a terrible mum). If any of this sounds familiar, then please please rest assured that you’re not failing and not doing anything wrong. Your baby is an amazing individual and as unique as each fingerprint and blade of grass is in the world! Once you let this anxiety go, it’ll free you up to focus on being there for your baby. Just keeping them safe and loving them is enough.

Understand that your emotions impact how you interact with your baby

Bear in mind just how linked your emotions can be in how you respond to your baby. How do you feel when your baby cries? Do you feel you have to soothe them so they stop crying the moment they begin? Do you feel you are able to listen first to gain an understanding go what their cry might mean; tired, hunger, pain, etc? Do you feel like you can’t cope and wish someone else would stop them crying? Do you feel guilty? If so, I wonder what the guilt is about? It may be you feel the moment you do something non-baby related, take a shower, get dressed, eat your lunch, you feel you ‘should’ be actively engaging with your baby at every moment. Remember, needing some time isn’t a luxury, it’s a need and perfectly normal. If you need some support, look to family and friends, local parenting groups, your GP. You’re not alone.

Learning to sleep is a skill

Babies really do need to learn how to fall asleep. Just as we teach our children a number of skills as they grow; how to eat, read, write, ride a bike, teaching them to sleep is also a skill to learn. It’s never the case that when weaning your baby they miss their mouths and drop a lot of food so you say, ‘ok, back to the breast or bottles!’. You gently persist and they eventually learn how to feed themselves and it works! Think of sleep in the same way. You try something new and they have not yet learnt this new skill but, as long as you believe in the method you have chosen and are consistent, then your baby will learn the new ways of going to sleep.

And remember how I said earlier every baby was as unique as a blade of grass, well, that’s why some babies learn to sleep as if by themselves and there’s hardly ever sleep struggles. However, I’m assuming since you’re reading this, you have a baby that does need to learn how to fall and stay asleep more. I don’t mean by ignoring any biological needs of night feeds etc but there are definite ways to help optimise baby sleep to help them learn.

Your baby might protest a little at any new changes. This is normal. What I practice is a way of meeting your baby’s needs and helping them through these new changes and not leaving them to figure it out for themselves.

Understanding your babies developmental needs

Babies and toddlers are unable to regulate their emotions. This is a fact! It doesn’t matter how this is packaged up in parenting and sleep help books – the truth is that biologically, it is just not possible yet and here’s why…

Science lesson coming up! Think of the brain as having 3 mains parts:

The forebrain is responsible for regulating our breathing, temperature, heart rate, blood pressure. This is fully formed at birth and often referred to as the ‘reptilian brain’ as it’s our oldest part.

The Limbic System (the emotional brain) is where both our positive and negative emotional responses come from. This is not fully formed until at least 2 years old.

The thinking brain (the neocortex) is the part of the brain that is needed for empathy, emotional regulation, self-regulation and self-control. It continues to develop and becomes fully mature at about 25 years old.

Understanding this can help you work towards helping your baby and knowing why they may need you more sometimes! Also, how this can relate to their sleep needs and why cry it out is such a no-no in my book! Reading Sue Gerhard Why love matters is an amazing book to read if you want to learn more about the topic.

Ultimately, being patient whilst understanding what their developmental needs are is important. How much nighttime & nap sleep they need is also a step in the right direction to helping optimise your baby’s sleep. Be realistic with your expectations and go with your babies needs. The sooner you focus on you and your baby, the better you’ll feel and be in the right place to be able to make changes.

It’s not all about the cry it out

I hear a lot of talk that infant sleep coaching is all about leaving your baby to learn to self-soothe. Which can often lead to the thinking of simply leaving them to cry. That can be dressed up in words such as controlled comforting, paced crying, controlled crying, spaced soothing, extinction.

None of these ways are ways I would ever suggest are wise, for lots of reasons. There are many other gentle, supportive, respectful ways to approach making changes to your child’s sleep. It’s not always one thing or another – such as cry it out or co-sleeping until aged 9 years old!

This may be the first time you are thinking about putting some boundaries in place for your little one which can feel daunting, scary and as though you are going against your child’s desires. Remember they are not yet able to regulate their emotions (that’s one of your jobs mama!). Babies and toddlers have limited understanding into bigger concepts. So changes such as moving into a new bedroom, cot, not being offered their usual dummy or being fed or rocked to sleep can feel really hard and overwhelming for your little one.

Conclusion

So before you jump in head first with some unthought through desperate sleep action, just take a moment to reflect…

Acknowledging your babies developmental needs and knowing what is normal for their age is really important.

Don’t focus on what other babies are doing or not doing; reflect that focus back to you and your gorgeous baby.

Understand that what makes you you will impact how you think, feel and respond to your baby. Notice your responses when your baby cries. Feel what comes up for you. Find support through family, friends, your GP and local services if you feel you need to.

Learning to sleep is a skill. Babies are not born knowing what is day and night and how to sleep as we do. We consistently put ourselves back to sleep at night as adults. We’ve had years of practice, the production of melatonin to help us sleep and done all our exhausting growing up! Babies have huge developmental needs and actually, up until the age of three years, there are more than a million neural connections being made every second! Wow!

There’s many ways to gently help optimise your baby’s sleep. It doesn’t need to be either leaving them to cry (I never suggest this!) or bed sharing until they are 9 years old! There are lots of respectful, gentle and supportive ways that I can help and guide you through.

I’d love to hear from you with your experiences, questions, concerns. Together, let’s get sleep sorted.

Caroline x

PS. I always add in a couple of affiliate links with a great offer to each post that I think might be of interest to you as a parent. By choosing to click a link and make a purchase on that really cool new item (for you or your baby!) then it’s at NO EXTRA COST to you. I receive a small commission from the retailer and that helps me with the running costs of my website, business and blog. Thanks for all your AMAZING support! xx

8 Reasons your Baby Could be Waking at Night

Let’s be honest and say that not knowing why your little one is waking in the night is really tough. Of course, there’s the times of illness, teething, or the odd night that’s a little unsettled. As parents, it’s a given that there’ll be some challenging nights. But when it’s happening a lot and you’re exhausted, it can feel like there’s no light at the end of your sleep-deprived tunnel.

That’s why I’ve outlined 8 reasons your baby could be waking at night, giving you some insight into how you might be able to help them.

As a gentle holistic infant sleep coach, I talk to a lot of mamas who say they feel like they’re failing as a mother and perhaps doing something wrong and this breaks my heart.

Let me say right here mama, you are not doing anything wrong. There’s no failing. I trust you’re being the best mama you can be and that’s amazing! Now let’s dive into the 8 reasons your baby could be waking at night…

Allergy

All allergy symptoms can impact on your little one’s sleep and be quite sleep disruptive for you all. CMPA (cows milk protein allergy) is the most common allergen but other foods can be a problem too whether your baby is being weaned or breastfed. Don’t forget that washing powders for laundry and clothing can cause upset too. Look out for symptoms such as grey bags under the eyes, watery eyes, runny nose, constipation, thin hair, diarrhoea, dry skin, skin rashes, hives and eczema. If you’re breastfeeding, watch out for any changes to your baby and if you have concerns, go to your GP. Usually, once an allergy is acknowledged and omitted from their diet, sleep will improve.

Nightmares

These can be a very common occurrence for toddlers and older children and usually happen in the early hours of the morning during lighter sleep. As soon as their imaginations begin to have a life of their own, so can their dreams. To a small child, this can sometimes feel very frightening. It can be hard for them to distinguish between the nightmare and reality.

The best thing I’d suggest is to offer cuddles, reassurance, acknowledge what they tell you and empathise with them. Telling them ‘it was just a dream and it’s not real’ can make things worse as it feels very real to them! I’d be mindful of how easy it can be to bring them into your bed at this point. If you’re 100% ok with this, then great! But just be aware of how you may be ok with it at 6 am but not at 3 am! Think about different rules can be very confusing for little ones. Have a clear yes or no rule, be consistent and it’ll be easier for all of you in the long run!

Wonder Weeks

There’s no doubt (in my mind and that of scientists and researchers) that the first years of an infants life are the most important when it comes to their development. Right from newborn, there’s some form of developmental leap happening within your little one. From emotional to physical, neurological to mental growth, it’s all happening! Sleep regressions can be mixed up into these wonder weeks too. There may be times your baby was a great sleeper then literally overnight, there’s a sleep struggle that wasn’t there before! Know this is normal. Know that you are not doing anything wrong. It’s simply that as your baby grows and changes, so do their needs. A great book to read if you’d like some deeper understanding of this topic is ‘The Wonder Weeks’ by Hetty van de Rijt.

Too much daytime sleep

If your baby is up and seemingly wide awake and ready to start their day at 4 or 5 am (I hear you, mama, that’s waaayy too early) it could be they’ve had too much daytime sleep yesterday. Try to make sure they have their biggest nap in the middle of the day. Ensure their bedtime is consistent and try adjusting it in 15 minutes increments over a few days to see if that helps. If they are waking at the same early time every morning, here’s a challenging solution…

Quietly go to them 15 minutes before their usual early’o’clock wake time and gently partly rouse them from their slumber, with the aim of resettling them back to sleep in a new sleep cycle. So you might ‘shhh shhh’ and rub their back for example. If you try this over the coming mornings, you should find that after a while, they are able to sleep a little longer on their own.

Try to ensure you balance the sleep of your baby well, with their longest nap in the middle of the day. Keeping to a consistent routine is so important, especially including a 20-minute wind-down bedtime routine that is the same rituals in the same order every single night. It doesn’t need to be complicated! A feed, bath, change, story, cuddle, lullaby can be all it needs. The trick is to be consistent. This can really help them know what’s coming and prepare for bedtime sleep.

You might also find it useful to complete a sleep diary for a few days to a week to see if there are any patterns and work out how much sleep they are actually getting in the day and night. Get MY SLEEP DIARY FREE. If naps are a struggle, remember that it’s timings over technique so a nap when out and about in the car, sling or pram are all fine too.

Overtired

It’s important that nap and bedtimes of your little one are optimised for their age and developmental needs. Otherwise, what can happen is they go to bed overtired. This means they’ve fallen into a lighter sleep for the night which causes them to wake more frequently and have a really unsettled night. So what does overtired really mean? Imagine your baby as having several ‘sleep windows’ throughout a 24 hour period. By that, I mean an ideal time to get them to sleep, for a nap or bedtime. If they pass this ‘sleep window’ then their body creates the awake hormone cortisol to help keep them awake and although they may suddenly seem more alert and raring to go, in fact, they probably need sleep pronto! Catching their sleep windows can help a lot to minimise the early wakings.

Sometimes parents think that minimising daytime sleep will often help their little ones to sleep better at night. This is a myth and not true! What actually happens is your baby will be producing the ‘awake’ hormone cortisol and have a harder time to settle at night. Then they fall into a lighter sleep with frequent wakings, usually within the first few hours of their bedtime.

Also, keep an eye out for how long it takes them to fall asleep. If it is almost instant as soon as their head hits the sheets or takes more than 20 minutes, either way, this can be a clear sign that your little one is overtired. Try to catch their sleep cues (yawns, rubbing eyes, looking away etc) before it’s too late. In this case, perhaps think about bringing their bedtime forward. Sometimes their optimal ‘sleep windows’ can be small so even a 15-minute shift can make a difference.

Environmental

Babies can be easily disturbed by things as they transition from one sleep cycle to the next. They’ll briefly wake then usually re-settle but if something’s making them too distracted, hot or cold then this could be what’s waking them. Baby socks are a great idea in the winter to help regulate their core temperature. Think thin layers of night clothes rather than a thick single layer which they may get too hot in. Be careful in swaddling a small baby too tightly as they can overheat, especially when the heating is on during the cold winter months. Get a room thermometer to check; it should ideally be between 16 – 20 degrees.

In the early hours, their sleep tends to be lighter as they’ve had their most deep and restorative sleep from bedtime until about midnight. This means they can be very sensitive to noise and light disturbances. Things such as heating pipes coming on, birds singing, outside noise, daylight creeping through any gaps in the curtains or blinds. I recommend white noise for babies up to six months. Pink noise for babies over six months. This can be helpful when played quietly all night to minimise disruptive noises. Also, make sure their room is really really dark – blackout blinds where possible.

Hunger

Depending on your baby’s age and developmental stage, they may still need a night feed. That’s perfectly normal of course. Often there’s a grey area of when they are genuinely hungry or simply seeking comfort. To answer this, a first step is to look at how your little one is settling to sleep at night. If they are being fed to sleep then I’d suggest feeding them at the beginning of their bedtime routine. Do this away from their sleeping environment. This means they are feeding close to sleep time but not associating a feed to sleep need.

If you have no concerns about their health and weight and they are still waking for a feed, then let’s look at their diet. Foods rich in tryptophan (an amino acid that helps the body produce melatonin, the sleep hormone) are great to offer as a last meal of the day. Think turkey, salmon, almonds, chickpeas, tofu, chicken, pork chops, cheese, eggs, milk, bananas. Also, low iron levels can affect your baby’s sleep. At around six months of age, the natural iron store they are born with will begin to deplete. Think red meat, spinach, broccoli and figs.

Night Terrors

These can be quite distressing, although usually for the parents more than the child. Research shows your little one will not have any recollection of a night terror. They occur mostly in the first few hours of nighttime sleep and before midnight. Most common in older toddlers and pre-schoolers but they can also happen to babies too. Your little one may seem very upset, scream, kick, shout strange words, look wide-eyed or vacant.

They usually pass quickly but there’s three key things to bear in mind. Firstly, if they are potty training but not yet dry at night, take them gently and quickly to the toilet. Often a night terror can be triggered by the need for the potty. Second of all, don’t try to rouse them out of one, just let it be. Ensure they are safe and you are nearby. Thirdly, a common trigger can be over-tiredness. Do keep this in mind if your little one has more than the odd episode.

I hope these points can help shed some light onto 8 reasons your baby could be waking at night. So next time you have some ‘me time’ when your little one’s sleep, you can also relax and sleep, perhaps a little more deeply.

Together, let’s get sleep sorted!

Caroline

P.S. In case you’re a newbie to my blog (in that case a very warm welcome!), I always add in a couple of affiliate links with a great offer to each post that I think might be of interest to you as a parent. If you choose to click a link and make a purchase on that really cool new item (for you or your baby!) then it’s at NO EXTRA COST to you. I receive a small commission from the retailer and that helps me with the running costs of my website, business and blog. Thanks for all your AMAZING support! xx

FREE Printable Infant Sleep Diary

Are you often up in the night with your little one? Do you find it confusing and perhaps a little hazy to clearly remember how much sleep they actually got? Never mind how much sleep you got…

Well, firstly, you’re not alone. I hear from so many parents telling me the same thing. And that is being sleep deprived (among other things!) makes it really hard to remember all their baby’s sleep and wake times.

What’s the solution?

The first thing I always suggest is to keep track of everything with a sleep diary. Sound simple? That’s because it is. Yes, you could scribble some random notes down when you remember. You could pay to download an app (and turning your phone on in the night to add to it isn’t very conducive to your sleep!)

Why not try my Infant Sleep Diary as a super easy way to gain lots of valuable information. It’s FREE and you can download it here – MY SLEEP DIARY A completed sleep diary kept over 3-4 days is such a rich, valuable tool to help you see a clearer picture of what’s happening.

I ask all clients to complete a sleep diary prior to a consultation and it enables me to look at not only how much sleep their little one had, but the times they are waking and how they are getting back to sleep. I love being a sleep coach and helping families restore the harmony in their home. Often it feels like being a detective – working through the sleep diary, talking to parents, until you have an ‘a-ha’ moment where you can offer your knowledge, support and guidance for them!

How will it help me?

Whether you’re thinking about hiring me as your sleep coach or just looking for some resources and guidance, please do download MY SLEEP DIARY as a great starting point.

Seeing things on paper can give you clarity. Gosh, did I really rock them back to sleep 5 times last night? Wow, did I feed them back to sleep AGAIN and did it really take me 2 hours? You get the picture. Only by knowing and understanding what’s going on for you and your little one can any changes be made.

Conclusion

It’s really easy. A sleep diary can help you move towards your sleep goals. You need to know what you’re working with first! Grab MY SLEEP DIARY and take that first step to a more rested, calmer home.

I’d love to hear how you get on. Find me on social media and let me know…

Psst…If you feel you’d like a consultation, you can grab a 10% discount if you sign up to join The Little Sleep Coach Community (& grab your FREE Ultimate infant Sleep Guide too!)

In this together,

Caroline x

6 Mistakes to Avoid When Sleep Training your Baby

Are you thinking of sleep training your baby? Have you heard lots of differing advice and you’re not sure what to do or not do? I often hear of confusion as to ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ and while there are some basic sleep skills we can teach babies from newborn (check out my 5 EASY STEPS TO TEACH YOUR BABY SLEEP SKILLS) There is no absolute right or wrong but better or worse ways of approaching baby sleep!

I want to make it clear that all the advice and support I offer, now and always, is based on gentle and holistic strategies. Any forms of controlled crying or crying it out are not anything I believe in. What’s key, in my opinion, is responding to your baby’s needs is always the priority – day and night! Have a read of a fantastic book called ‘Why Love Matters’ by Sue Gerhardt. It’s an amazing and beautiful way to really learn and understand your baby’s needs in the early days, weeks, months and years. Even in utero!

So I want to outline 6 mistakes to avoid when sleep training your baby.

Starting too early

I’d advise not to begin sleep training your baby until they are over 4 months. Ideally 18 weeks minimum. Prior to this, your baby simply isn’t developmentally mature enough to cope with sleep training, In fact, up until this point, it’s more common than not to still be feeding through the night too so it’s really best to just put things in place from the early weeks to support their own sleep skills and wait until they are physically and emotionally ready for the gentle changes that come with sleep training.

In fact, I’d suggest 5-7 months is the optimum age to sleep train but of course, whatever stage you’re at, sleep training can be done. Bear in mind, as your baby gets older and turns into a toddler it’s more tricky as habits are more deeply ingrained!

Be mindful that what’s always important is going with your babies needs. I know some baby experts have really clear guidelines as to amounts and timings and while can be important, I believe that trusting your instinct as a parent and being as in-tune with your baby as possible offers a much more nurturing, enriching and bonding parenting experience.

What’s your plan?

Often parents want to make some changes but they are really not sure of what a plan might be, what one looks like and haven’t thought through all the details. A sleep-plan does not need to be complicated. It just needs to cover enough to know what you will do with each sleep time, wake time and how to respond to each waking. I’ve written a post ‘Before you start sleep training your baby’ which you might find useful. A sleep-plan is something we could work through together if you felt you needed professional support and guidance to help you through whatever stage you’re at with your little one.

Sleep is a skill

Understanding that sleep is a skill we all learn is sometimes quite a surprise to hear! There’s that old saying ‘sleeping like a baby’ as if babies are born knowing long, restful, deep sleep. Well, we all know that is definitely not the case! I think that saying is more related to the amount of sleep a baby needs in total, with no thought to the frequency they need to wake for feeding, changing and nurturing.

Your baby has had so much help in the womb. It was warm, cosy, noisy and moved a lot! So it’s a big change when they have to learn how to sleep without that same environment. This is of course why we mimic some of these things for them such as white noise, swaddling and rocking them to sleep. We’re helping them to sleep and this is what I mean by sleep being a skill. Babies are not born knowing how to fall asleep by themselves and even harder, to resettle after a natural sleep-wake cycle!

Perhaps your expectations for your baby are high and you may not have realised. Do you feel your baby ‘should be sleeping through the night’ because people ask you all the time “are they sleeping through the night yet?” Are you preparing to return to work and feel your baby ‘should be sleeping through the night’? Your lifestyle, your needs as a family, society and fear of judgment from others can be a factor in how you manage your baby’s sleep. It might be helpful to reflect on these things. Be patient and kind to yourself.

Lack of routine

Sometimes it can be easy to focus on sleep. Just sleep. But actually, it’s important to think about the whole picture. What I mean by this is holistically look at other aspects of your baby’s world. Their routine, their environment, their diet are also very crucial when thinking about improving their sleep.

I always talk about routine being your friend, your BEST friend and this is something that when put in place, can really help with sleep now and set the foundation for all aspects of your baby as they grow into a curious toddler and pre-schooler.

Timing

Very often I’ll talk to parents who are so keen to crack on with a sleep plan. Hurray! But when we talk some more, it becomes clear they are planning a trip away, or there’s some big changes happening in the home soon. In this case, I always advise waiting until everything is as settled at home as it can be.

So I recommend holding off with sleep training if your little one is about to start nursery or have a new caregiver, you’re planning a family holiday, you’re going back to work, you’re moving home, you’ve got workmen in, you’ve got family coming to stay….you get the picture! You will get the most positive results from sleep training when all things like these are not happening!

Obviously, life is life and things crop up and changes happen so there will be times you may have to deal with the things in the middle of sleep training but ideally, keep disruptions and major changes to a minimum to help get your baby sleep better faster!

Overlooking their sleep environment

Having an optimum sleep environment is SO important too and something that can be overlooked. There’s several things to think about here…

What’s the temperature of their sleeping place?

Ideally, it should be 16°-20° and is best maintained with thin layers and socks rather than thick clothing that can help them get too hot (this is a factor when increasing the risk of SIDS. I always encourage parents to follow the guidelines of The Lullaby Trust).

Are there blackout blinds to ensure no sunlight creeps in?

Tiny slithers of light can disturb a baby so easily, especially as it’s the time in the early hours when sleep naturally becomes lighter and therefore it’s easier to be woken by sunlight.

Is it too stimulating for them?

Have a look around their room. Are there lots of toys, mobiles, colours and stimulating things to keep them from feeling calm and settled. What we see as adults may not be as impactful upon our eyes and nervous system as it is to your little baby whose senses take in so much all the time. Try to ensure toys are tidied away and it’s a quiet, neutral place to wind down for sleep.

Is it too quiet for them?

Remember how I earlier talked about just how noisy it was in the womb (your blood pumping, your heart beating, your amniotic fluid sloshing about) and sometimes babies find it hard to settle if it’s too quiet. Also, on the other hand, big noises and bangs can be equally unhelpful for your baby’s sleep which is why white noise can be great. It can soothe and mask unwanted noises and keep a stable comforting noise instead. Once your baby is six months or over, think about pink noise. It is on a slightly different frequency and research shows it can help improve the depth and quality of sleep. Have a listen on NOISLI to hear the difference. It might even help you too with relaxing and productivity!

Conclusion

So there you have it. 6 mistakes to avoid when sleep training your baby. If you’re thinking about sleep training, bear these things in mind BEFORE you begin and you’ll be on the road to success! To recap, think about…

Your baby’s age. Don’t start too early.

Your plan. What are your sleep goals and how might you get there? Think through a plan first.

Sleep is a learned skill. It’s your job to help your baby learn this skill. Not to do it for them but to encourage them to do it for themselves!

Do you have a routine in place for day to day and not just sleep? They are all connected and important!

The timing of when you begin sleep training is key. Wait until after that holiday, until they are well settled in the nursery. A more settled home and routine will encourage the sleep training to be more productive.

Don’t forget to look at their sleep environment. Is it too warm, too cold, too bright, to stimulating?

Good luck with any changes you decide to make. I’d love to help you on your mission to getting sleep sorting in your home!

LET'S GET STARTED!

Don’t forget to check my blog on my website www.thelittlesleepcoach.com and even more, you can join my The Little Sleep Coach Community and never miss a thing and get your FREE Ultimate Infant Sleep Guide as well as lots of other advice and support.

In this together

Caroline

Before You Start Sleep Training Your Baby

Sleep Training Your Baby

This post is all about a set of 9 questions to think about before you start sleep training your baby. Really give yourself to time to reflect and be honest with yourself. For any positive change, you need to be consistent. If you don’t have a solid plan in place or really know the whys behind what you are doing then it’ll be really tough to stay on track!

Why are you thinking about sleep training your baby?

Are you doing because you’re all simply exhausted?

Are you doing it because you’re going back to work?

Is there pressure from your partner to move your baby into their own room?

Is there pressure from your partner to stop co-sleeping?

Are you ready to make a change?

Think about how you truly feel.

Are you afraid to make changes because you love the special closeness that nighttime breastfeeding brings?

Do you feel guilty at the thought of moving your baby into their own room even though ‘it’s probably the right thing to do’?

Have you come up with a good plan?

Before you start sleep training your baby, have you thought about what strategies are you planning to use?

Are you prepared that gentle changes take time?

Will you respond in the same way with each sleep and wake?

Are you going to keep /a dummy/ bottle/breastfeeding/night feeding?

Think about what stage your baby is at. If they are close to stopping night feeding, moving to a sippy cup, weaning or any other milestone then take that into consideration when preparing for sleep training.

It can be sometimes helpful to tackle things bit by bit and have goals for each thing. It can feel overwhelming to make a lot of changes in one go – for you and your baby.

What’s the MAIN focus you’d like to change?

It could be frequent night waking, short naps, motion naps only, rocking to sleep, feeding to sleep. Think about what’s the most important and prioritise. You may find solving one issue helps another anyway.

What will their bedtime routine be?

A bedtime routine will really help establish good sleep. But more than that, really think about the order in which you carry out the routine. My 2 top tips for this are trying to offer a last feed of the day away from their sleeping environment. Feeding them before sleep in their room can create a sleep association between feeding and sleeping. Secondly, keep the lights low from the beginning of their wind-down routine. White light can suppress the production of melatonin which is the sleepy hormone we all need to sleep well.

What time will your day start?

Having a time in mind that you can stick to as a family can help you work out the best time to put your baby to bed. Working out how much sleep they need and working backwards from their day starting can help you set the right bedtime too. Grab my FREE Ultimate Infant Sleep Guide below to get more guidance and support.

What’s your baby’s sleep environment?

If you optimise their sleep space for sleep it can have a really positive impact on their sleep.

Think temperature – not too hot or cold. 16°-20° is ideal. Bedding and clothing suitable for the season.

Do you have blackout blinds to minimise sunlight (especially in those more fragile early hours)?

Think noise and stimulation. Keep the room calm and neutral with white noise.

Are you ready to be consistent?

This is such a HUGE one! You need to feel you can be consistent as inconsistency causes confusion for your baby and delay any positive change. If your little one is struggling to get back to sleep in the night and you’re so exhausted that eventually, you bring them into your bed. There’s nothing wrong with that in itself but you need to be clear about what is ok and not ok for you as a family.

Conclusion

I hope this post has given you some food for thought before you start sleep training your baby and decide to make some sleep changes and put a plan in place. Remember, take notes to help process and reflect back on. Take time for yourself when you can. Just because you’ve got the greatest role of your life now as a parent, it doesn’t mean your own self-care should be forgotten! Quite the opposite – the more you can care for yourself, the more you can care for your baby. Good luck and remember I’m always on hand if you feel you need professional support to guide you and your baby to better sleep.

LET'S GET STARTED!

In this together,

Caroline

Why My Baby Won’t Sleep and How to Fix it

Are you worried and wondering ‘why my baby won’t sleep’? Perhaps they are easy to settle to sleep but are waking frequently through the night? Maybe they don’t ever nap more than 30 minutes at a time. Whatever the sleep issue is, I’ll reassure you now that there 3 easy things to look at which can help address your sleep concerns.

Before we go any further, I firstly invite you really think about what your sleep worry is. You might find it helpful to write it down and then keep a sleep diary for a couple of days (ideally all sleeps for a minimum of 72 hours/3 days). You can download your FREE MY SLEEP DIARY template that I use for my consultations. Seeing things on paper can help them become clearer and sometimes gain a deeper understanding of what’s happening. Keep a pen and paper by your bed and carry it with you too over the few days. Jot down all wakes and sleeps, including how you respond to them. You can then use the completed sleep diary as guidance to help with the next three steps.

Having been able to help and support many families over the years, I’d like to share with you now, the three key things that come up again and again with many families struggling with their baby’s sleep. I like to think of this as T.E.N. Timings. Environment. Negative Sleep Associations. Ok, let’s dig a little deeper to explain what I mean.

Timings

This plays such an important part of their sleep and crucially includes their routine. If you’re trying to put your baby to sleep and they are overtired, it can be very difficult. Cortisol, the ‘awake’ hormone floods their body to compensate for the lack of sleep. That’s why it’s so important to catch their sleep cues. A baby who is already yawning and crying is quite likely to be overtired already. It may take longer to settle them as rather than be sleepy and drowsy, they are likely to look alert and ready to play!

On the other hand, if you try to put your baby to sleep when they aren’t tired enough yet, they can also take a long time to settle and fight going to sleep which causes distress for everyone involved. Anyone who has read other posts of mine will know that I believe routine to be the golden key and foundation of all good sleep. So it’s important to look at the sleep diary you’ve done and see how it looks. Is there a pattern to bedtime and nap times? Are they taking a long time to settle for their afternoon nap for example? This could be a sign they are ready to drop their 3rd nap and have 2 naps per day. Are they going down for their first nap before 9 am because they woke so early? In this case, adjusting their sleep timings and bedtime might be helpful. Are they going to bed too late and therefore overtired? Sleep latency, the time it takes to fall asleep should be about 10 minutes for babies. If this is much less or more, this could be a sign of being overtired and can result in a more disturbed nights sleep.

Environment

There are many factors which can affect your baby’s ability to sleep well. If you are following the guidelines for safe sleep by The Lullaby Trust then your baby will sleep in your room for their first 6 months in their own cot. You may be co-sleeping. They may have their own room. Whatever stage you’re at as a family, whatever choice you’ve made for your baby, remember these points:

How dark is the room?

Are there blackout blinds? Even a tiny bit of sunlight can disturb them.

Ensure their sleeping environment is not too stimulating with noisy toys, mobiles, light projectors.

How quiet is it? Loud or sudden noises can disturb them being able to settle or wake them from a lighter sleep as they move through sleep cycles. Consider using white noise (under 6 months) or pink noise (over 6 months) to help mask any disturbances like siblings and parents coming to bed, early morning heating pipes coming on or noisy traffic.

Temperature. Ensure your baby is comfortable. Not too hot or cold. Their room should be 16-20°. Popping socks on can help keep them cosy without being too hot. A sleep sack is a great way to keep them warm throughout the night.

Negative Sleep Associations

Ok, this is a biggie! This is what I like to call ‘accidental parenting’. It’s when you find ways to help your baby to get to sleep and over time, your baby won’t settle without THAT way. This also means that when they start to rouse from a sleep cycle (which we all do, many times a night!) they look for that lovely way to get back to sleep as it’s the only way they know. This is usually feeding, rocking or patting to sleep. This becomes a habit and then when you decide to change things as it’s sooooo tiring, your little one protests and becomes upset to get to sleep any other way and you feel the only way is to resort back to the feeding/ rocking/patting that always works. A vicious cycle that is exhausting and stressful yet you can’t see how to change it. Yet by not changing it, your baby is not being given the opportunity to learn how to put themselves to sleep. This is such a crucial step in helping your baby sleep better.

This absolutely doesn’t mean leaving your baby to cry it out or using controlled crying. I strongly believe in gentle ways to help your baby. There are differing gentle sleep strategies I use in my consultations such as the gradual retreat, pick up put down, rubber band technique (no actual rubber bands used!) or the gentle behaviour modification method. All of these strategies require patience and commitment and all come with pros and cons, which I explain in detail in a consultation.

Creating Positive Sleep Associations

However, there are other things too which can make a huge difference. What we want to really do is create some positive sleep associations. These are things like:

Before their bedtime routine starts, offer them a feed. This should be away from the bedroom, with lights on and prior to beginning to wind down for the evening.

Keep lights dim in the bedroom and hallway. White lights and blue lights (tv’s, computers) suppress the production of melatonin.

Wear a muslin inside your clothes for a day and leave it safely in your baby’s cot. Your scent can be very comforting for your baby.

For older babies encourage a transitional object such as a small soft toy. Keep it with them during the day for play and naps too.

If they are weaned or being weaned, foods that are high in protein and contain tryptophan (an amino acid which produces melatonin, the sleep hormone) are great for the last meal at tea time. Salmon and turkey are both high in tryptophan and ideal 1 – 1.5 hrs before bed.

Being as consistent as possible is really important. Both in how you settle them and how you respond. Trying something new then giving up after a night or two as it wasn’t working is not usually helpful as it’s confusing for your baby as they really don’t know what to expect. Babies need comfort and security.